Conozca la clave del bienestar en la pareja

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Son muchos los que se preguntan cuales son los ingredientes para elaborar una poción de amor verdadero y duradero. ¿Cuál es la clave del bienestar en la pareja?, ¿Cómo lograr que la relación funcione mucho tiempo? Lo cierto es que no existen variables constantes y patognomónicas para conseguir una relación satisfactoria.

No obstante, y aunque todas las personas son diferentes, la psicología de pareja y sexualidad establece ciertas medidas que se pueden tomar para conseguir el bienestar en una relación. Es el caso de las actividades agradables y de su impacto en los miembros de la pareja. A continuación, lo explicamos en detalle.

Cuando los problemas arrecian a la pareja

Problemas sexuales, estrés, hijos, conciliación familiar, trabajo, problemas de dinero, etcétera, son muchos los conflictos que pueden tener un impacto en el bienestar de la pareja. Estos, o una combinación de ellos, pueden dejar huella en las interacciones de los miembros de la pareja de muchas formas.

Por ejemplo, pueden enfadarse, alejarse emocionalmente, rechazarse el uno al otro, menguar la comunicación, etc. Sin embargo, algo que siempre suele ocurrir es que los dos dejan de hacer cosas el uno con el otro.

Cuando se suprimen las actividades agradables el problema suele acrecentar. Esta supresión puede no solo ser consecuencia de un problema mayor, sino también el núcleo de otro conflicto.

Lo anterior ocurre porque tiene lugar una supresión de los reforzadores para ambos miembros de la pareja. Ya no hacen cosas juntos, ya no comparten actividades que antes gustaban hacer, no mantienen conversaciones o no van a su restaurante favorito.

Reforzadores y afinidad en pareja

Los reforzadores son estímulos que provocan que una conducta tenga más probabilidades de aparecer. Por ejemplo, si un miembro de la pareja recibe un beso cada vez que cocina algo rico, es probable que el siguiente día se esfuerce por volver a cocinar algo igual de bueno.

En ese caso, el reforzador sería el beso, que está provocando que la conducta de cocinar bien tenga más probabilidades de aparecer. Cuando se dejan de hacer cosas en pareja, hay menos oportunidad de que esos reforzadores tengan lugar.

Si esas actividades agradables no tienen lugar, no hay reforzadores y, por tanto, esas conductas tienen muchas menos probabilidades de aparecer. Por ello, desde la psicología sexual y de pareja, se plantea la realización de actividades agradables como una solución eficaz y de buenos pronósticos.

Las parejas suelen juntarse por afinidad. Por ello, lo usual es que sí haya actividades agradables que puedan realizar juntos que sean reforzantes para ambos.

El objetivo de eso es volver a utilizar aquellos reforzadores que ya no se usan. Que no se usen no significa que estén obsoletos. Ese tipo de reforzadores no dejan de funcionar como tal; simplemente han cogido polvo.

¿Soluciones conductuales o emocionales?

Cuando pensamos en problemas maritales o de pareja, usualmente no pensamos que la solución sea conductual, sino más bien emocional y cognitiva. De hecho, en terapia, lo normal es utilizar las dos.

Desde luego que es importante tratar aspectos como los estándares de la pareja, las creencias sobre las relaciones cercanas o las expectativas y atribuciones irreales e irracionales. Es vital entrar en esos aspectos para lograr el ajuste marital, los patrones comunicacionales o mejorar las relaciones sexuales.

Sin embargo, las actividades agradables forman parte de una serie de estrategias conductuales —a veces desdeñadas— cuyos beneficios son enormes. Además, esos frutos obtenidos a partir de las técnicas conductuales pueden sin duda motivar a la pareja, hacerles ver que todas las parejas funcionan si se modifican conductas, y que prosigan trabajando en la consecución de su bienestar.

¿Cómo incrementar los reforzadores?

Además de la realización de actividades agradables, se pueden llevar a cabo otras estrategias conductuales que pueden permitir conseguir un cambio eficaz y duradero en la pareja.

Actividades agradables para el bienestar en pareja

Cuando una relación se ha deteriorado, es muy difícil que ambos miembros de la pareja quieran hacer cosas juntos. Ese es el principal problema que presentan las actividades agradables. Por ello, es útil empezar por cosas pequeñas. Si una pareja lleva sin salir más de ocho meses, quizás abocarla a un viaje a Panamá durante quince días no sea lo más adecuado.

No obstante, pequeñas actividades que resulten reconfortantes a algún miembro de la pareja, o a los dos, pueden ser una buena idea: pasear a los perros, hacer la comida, comprar el pan juntos, etc. Actividades sencillas donde se pueden generar reforzadores. A medida que se va avanzando, se puede proponer ir a cenar juntos a su restaurante favorito, ir al cine o salir de fiesta el uno con el otro.

Lo usual es que se observen reforzadores de ese tipo de actividades, que afecten la probabilidad de que esas actividades vuelvan a tener lugar. Muchas parejas que acuden a terapia de pareja, con una relación muy deteriorada, realizan las actividades agradables ellos solos, después de haber realizado las primeras. Ellos son los que toman la iniciativa para pasar de ir a comprar el pan a cenar juntos, sin que el terapeuta lo diga.

Lo último es solo un ejemplo de que las técnicas conductuales son útiles al principio de la terapia de pareja: lo primero que se ha de hacer es buscar reforzadores.

Días especiales: día del refuerzo para el otro

Otra manera de establecer refuerzos sin que prevalezca una actividad en concreto es usar la técnica de los días especiales. Esta es útil si la pareja no está dispuesta a hacer nada juntos o no tienen tiempo. En los días especiales, se les pide a ambos miembros de la pareja que un día de la semana lo dediquen a reforzar al otro. Los dos días no pueden coincidir, pero ambos saben qué días son los días especiales.

Aunque en la primera etapa hay recelo —pues se ve como algo poco natural o forzado— lo cierto es que las parejas suelen sentirse bien. Al recibir refuerzos —desde comentarios, conversaciones, acciones— las personas suelen sentirse satisfechas.

Cuando uno da reforzadores, suele recibir reforzadores a cambio, y esa es una idea que ambos tienen que tener en cuenta. Se suele generalizar el dar refuerzo porque ambos se sienten mejor. Aunque esta técnica no permite la resolución de conflictos, sí sirve para aumentar la gratificación.

Observación de lo positivo para promover el bienestar en la pareja

Otra técnica conductual que puede utilizarse además de las actividades agradables es la observación de lo positivo. Aunque hay cosas positivas, cosas que antes gustaban o atraían, cuando una relación se ve deteriorada esos aspectos positivos suelen emborronarse: dejan de observarse.

La observación de lo positivo también busca el incremento de los reforzadores a través de la comunicación de aspectos que le gusten al otro de la pareja. Desde aspectos físicos, psicológicos o del día a día —«hoy la comida te ha salido deliciosa»—, se trata de que cada día ambos se digan tres cosas positivas. Lo ideal es que esas tres cosas se comuniquen por la noche durante diez o quince minutos cada día.

Como se ha podido observar, no hay claves concretas para que una pareja sea feliz. No obstante, todas las parejas pueden funcionar, de forma potencial, si se llevan a cabo cambios conductuales y cognitivos. Esos cambios van de la mano, es decir, las técnicas conductuales pueden provocar cambios cognitivos y viceversa. Por eso, es importante conocer ambas y saber aplicarlas en consecución del bienestar en pareja.

Fuente: mejorconsalud.com

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